Catching up

Well, Alan was right...I'm not the blogging type. But after a "rough" last couple of months, I am at it again. Where do I start?... June 21 was the day Alan and I were going to start the wedding planning as it was a month after the proposal. Our "Destination Weddings for Dummies" book was on its way and we were ready. I was at work on June 22 when I got a call from my Mom sounding frantic. She asked me if an ultrasound showed "spots" on the liver, does it always mean it is cancer? My Aunt Net was in the ER with severe pain and they found spots on her liver. For those who don't know, Janette, is my Mom's older sister. Well, later that day we received the news we were all dreading. It was cancer. From what they could tell it was definitely in her liver and had destroyed her 4th rib. I remember walking into her hospital room and as I was giving her a hug, all she could say was "bummer." Devastating news to say the least. She spent a few days in the hospital undergoing a series of tests to determine where it started. She was released with the diagnosis of Stage IV Adenocarcinoma with an unknown origin. For those that don't know, cancer is staged and there are only 4 stages, so we knew there was a huge battle ahead and we were ready to start the fight with her. On June 30, she started treatment at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Since they did not know where the cancer started, they had to run their tests to see if they could figure out the origin. Fast forward a month and we still don't know, but regardless they are going to start radiation as a tumor had grown on her spine. She had 3 radiation treatments. I am leaving out a lot of details, but what was decided was she would take a natural approach to treatment from there on out, as it was not believed her body could withstand the conventional chemotherapy. While all of these tests were being run, she was declining and fast. August 24, 2010, my Aunt 'Net earned her angel wings. As I type this, a part of me is still in denial. Since her death, I have tried focusing on anything but as to not have to face the reality of it. There were so many nights that I cried myself to sleep with Alan holding me as my heart ached for what she was having to go through. I cried so much that it's like I became somewhat numb after she passed. The last 6 days of her life were very trying. I spent as much time with her as I could. We all did. Her daughter, Tara, did not leave her side. There were sleepless nights, but I learned that it was the mental exhaustion that was the hardest. Nothing compares to what she was going through. During these last 6 days, I talked to her a lot. She would ask if everything was going to be OK? I kept assuring her it was. One of those nights, I was sitting by her bedside holding her hand while my Mom was getting ready for bed and Tara and Darlene (her best friend) were outside. I was trying to ease her mind as nights were the hardest on her. I asked her if she could keep a secret and of course she said yes. I'm honestly not sure if she did or not as she almost ruined the surprise for my Mom's 60th bday:) I'm not going to reveal what I told her (yet) but I am glad she knew before she passed. My aunt was one of my first patients at my office. She helped grow my business more than she knows. I thanked her and I'm so glad I did. She asked for an adjustment 2 days before her passing. The cancer was in her bones, so I put my fingers on her neck when she was sitting up and held them there for a few seconds to give her one last adjustment. She said, "did you hear all those pops?:) I didn't but the "pops" always fascinated her:) There were many intimate moments that we all shared with her as her body was failing, some too personal to share. She suffered. A lot. And it breaks my heart she had to go through it. It also makes me mad. From the day of her diagnosis, I prayed for peace and comfort for her. My prayers were ultimately answered when God took her. As much as I wanted her to prove medicine wrong and beat the odds, I knew it was going to take a miracle from God to overcome this disease. There are a lot of things in life that are not fair, and cancer is way up on that list. If you have never seen a loved one go through a fight against cancer, I pray you never have to as you would not wish it upon your worst enemy. I am so proud of the fight she put up as she showed such strength and courage throughout the entire process. So to you Aunt Net, I miss you, more than words can say. I have so many memories that I will forever cherish. You taught Josh and I when we were kids how to say "butt" in Creek when you stayed with us while my parents were in Vegas...we thought it was so cool:) I will miss your deviled eggs. Your's were the best and you didn't disagree!:) Your gravy wasn't bad either! Christmas is going to be particularly hard. Thank you for loving Alan, or "Peyton Manning" as you liked to call him...he loved you too. I wish you could see us get married. Thank you for loving Baby Jay. As you know, she is not a fan of many people but she loved when you came over and she loved visiting you. I guess she liked your stomp dancing:) Thank you for being such a good sister to my Mom and Ralph. I know their hearts ache without the 3of you still here. I admire your love for our Indian heritage. You were such a beautiful person, inside and out. I would have done anything to have fixed you and taken away your pain. We all would have. You were nothing short of amazing as you fought this disease. At your burial, Pastor Jimmie said in the Creek language, there is not a word for goodbye, just a phrase for "until we meet again,"...so until we meet again Aunt Net. I love you.